Holy

A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
How do you make holy water?
By boiling the hell out of it.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
How do you make holy water? Boil the hell out of it!
Which is the most religious cheese? Swiss, because it is holy.
How do you get holy water? Boil the hell out of it.
A War With the Devil
A War With the Devil Fed up with God's creations, Lucifer decides to lead an army to destroy humanity. The war had been raging for many years, and humanity was slowly losing. Lucifer could raise a never ending stream of demons, and until he was contained, the fighting would never end. In order to stop him, God gives the humans a ritual that would seal away Satan forever. The Pope was recruited to carry out this command the operation. However, before they could seal Lucifer away, they first had to find him. Suddenly struck with an idea, the Pope went to gather the world's most renowned authors and artists. When they were assembled, the Pope set them to work on creating the most elaborate work of fiction in history. Every corner of this work was written and illustrated, every blade of grass meticulously described out in words and brush strokes. After years of continuous work, the project was finally compete. Bound together into a million page book, the tome described a universe in more detail than real life could ever manage. The book was placed on an alter, and with the preparations compete, the ritual began. To everyone's amazement, as soon as Holy Light stuck the book, Lucifer himself appeared. Like a shadow in the light, his presence radiated evil. But it was too late for him, the light closed in onto the book, and Lucifer was bound within it, never to escape. There was silence for a minute, then everyone erupted into cheers. Amidst the celebration, someone asked the Pope how he knew where to find Satan. The room grew quiet as the generals and Cardinals awaited his answer. "Well", he began, "It was really quite simple." "Everyone knows the devil's in the details."
What does the pope eat during lent? Holy mackerel!
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!

What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
Is it hot in here, or is that just the Holy Spirit burning in you?
So I was reading my bible the other day and I was wondering if you know what Paul meant by "Greet one another with a holy kiss?"