Holds Jokes

Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
What holds the moon up?

Moonbeams!
My town always holds a contest to see which beer drinker's belly is biggest by seeing how far it goes past a line...
That's the paunch-line.
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day, he holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
What do you think holds the moon up? Moonbeams.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Who holds sermons during Sunday in Italy?
The Pasta.
The FBI are raiding an alleged spy's apartment when they discover a hard drive labeled "KGB".
One of the agents holds it up with a look of confusion and says, "Why wouldn't he just write 1 TB?"
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges.
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? MY ZIPPER!
“Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, 'You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.'”

- Rob Delaney.
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