Heads

Just a Little Switch Is All It Takes
Just a Little Switch Is All It Takes A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing." The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. "There's no charge," he says. "No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says. "Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "it cost nothing. “You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. “I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. "Then it was just a matter of switching the heads."
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What is a red heads favorite drink?
Ginger Ale.
I bought a bunch of antique spears online, but they arrived without their spear heads.
I got shafted.
Earlier today someone sent me a bunch of flowers, but all the heads had been cut off.
I think I'm being stalked.
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
How do you decide whether to be a Brain Surgeon or a Novelist?
You flip a coin. It’ll land on heads or tales.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Solving a Problem
Solving a Problem Margaret was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away. She went to the undertaker's to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment. Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit. The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black suit, but he'd see what he could arrange. The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she managed to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit. She said to the undertaker "Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?" "Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband's size was brought in & he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit," the undertaker replied. The wife smiled at the man. He continued, "After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads."
While visiting an airport, my friend asked me to duck when a plane went above our heads.
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
What do fruits do when they are avoiding a problem? They cherry their heads in the sand.
A packing plant received a load of lettuce to process. The workers grabbed the boxes quickly from the top and the bottoms fell out spilling the produce.
The boss yells, grab the boxes by the bottom, or heads are going to roll!
What happened to the men who lost their lettuce?
I don't know, but apparently they lost their heads.
I had no clue how much lettuce to buy, so I called my wife from the grocery store.
Turns out two heads are better than one.
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