Growing Jokes

I decided to try growing pot...
So I buried a saucepan in my yard. I hear it takes no skillet all.
"There is absolutely nothing to be said in favor of growing old. There ought to be legislation against it." - Patrick Moore
"Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional" - Chili Davis
You must be a sustainably farmed mushroom because you’re really growing on me.
The local vampire society is constantly growing. They are always looking for new blood.
I grew up in a really rough area. I would walk out of the house and other kids would leap out and sprinkle me with cream, cherries and shaved chocolate. Life was tough, growing up in the gateau.
My grandmother was famous all over town for growing delicious strawberries.
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
When a man went to the doctor to get rid of the strawberry that was growing out of his head, the doctor told him, "Don't worry. I'll give you some cream for that".
If you’re looking for a job, get trained in horticulture. It’s a growing industry.
Over quarantine, I’ve really gotten into gardening. I am especially enamored with growing chard varieties. So much so I’ve written a book of poems about their taproots.
I hope to one day be recognized as the beet poet of our generation!
What do you call someone who specializes in growing plants used in witches’ brews?
A hag-riculturist!
When it comes to mermaids growing legs, it's all in the de-tail.
“You know you’re a gardener when you’re happy to devote three months of your life growing tomatoes to save $1.27.”
— Anonymous
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.”

- Phyllis Diller.
“You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.”
—P. J. O’Rourke
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