Fortune Jokes

“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
There was a young lady of Cork,
Whose Pa made a fortune in pork.
He bought for his daughter,
A tutor who taught her,
To balance green peas on her fork.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Are you a fortune cookie?
Because you're always wrong.
The midget fortune teller who kills his customers is a small medium at large.
The Palm Reader
The Palm Reader Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. The mysterious old woman greeted him warmly and said: "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future." Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend." "That's true," said Paul. "Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?" "Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?" "Love line? No, from the calluses and blisters."
What kind of cookies do poor people want during Halloween? Fortune cookies.
Know what kind of cookies rich people love? Fortune cookies.
What cookie makes you rich? A fortune cookie!
What’s an orca’s favorite TV show?
Whale Of Fortune.
Opening a new shadow puppet theatre. Business plan says we'll make a fortune, but those are just projected figures.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
What’s a cetacean’s favorite TV show?
Whale of Fortune.
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