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Few Jokes

Onion Puns
For the last few Sundays, I have been receiving an onion pun in the mail. I don't know who is sending them. Guess it is onionymous.
Strawberry Puns
‪I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa. ‬
Funny Aging Quotes
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
Funny Marriage Quotes
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
Peach Puns
Sometimes, all you need is to shake a few trees to find the perfect peach for you.
Yard Puns
Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them has a watch.
"What time do you think it is?" one of them asks the other.
"Just make a ton of noise," says the other.
The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyway. After a few seconds of screaming, a light turns on in another yard and a neighbor yells, "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"
Soccer Pick Up Lines
Can I take a few shots at your goal?
Pea Puns
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars?'
Divorce Puns
“Mr. Jones, I’ve reviewed this case very carefully,” said the divorce court judge, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $300 a week.”
“That’s very fair, your honor,” said the husband.
“I’ll try and send her a few bucks myself every now and then too.”
Gnome Puns
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Ancient Greek Monster Puns
If you think Earth has too few human-animal hybrids, then it behooves you to become a centaur.
Halloween Pick Up Lines
I like your wart, want to see a few of mine?
Baseball Pick Up Lines
Babe, there's a few tough road series coming up, but if we can make it through them, I'll know it's real.
Funny Animal Poems That Rhyme
Lots of people have a rug.
Very few have a Pug.

(E.B White)
Garden Puns
I wasn’t all that interested in gardening, but I planted a few seeds, and it grew on me.
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