Jokes > Tags > Expect

Expect

One Liners and Short Jokes
When I go to donate blood I expect a cup of tea, a biscuit and a polite word of thanks...
...not a whole lot of screaming, my bucket confiscated, and a cop asking me questions.
Water Puns
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
Funny Poems
I've fallen in love- I don't know why
I've fallen in love with a girl with one eye.

I knew from the start. It was plain to see
That this wonderful girl had an eye out for me

She's charming and witty and jolly and jocular
Not what you'd expect from a girl who's monocular.

Of eyes - at the moment - she hasn't full quota
But that doesn't change things for me one iota.

It must be quite difficult if you're bereft.
If your left eye is gone and your right eye is left.

But she's made up her mind. She's made her decision.
She can see it quite clearly in 10/20 vision.

She'll not leave me waiting, not left in the lurch
If she looks slightly sideways she'll see me in church.

I'll marry my true love who's gentle and kind.
And thus prove to everyone that loves not quite blind.

(By Andrew Jefferson)
Grammar Puns
My wife was just recently diagnosed with colorectal cancer and now has surgery scheduled to remove a couple of inches of her colon. I expect her grammar will improve as a result.
Because she's going to have to learn how to use a semicolon.
Quotes
Steven Wright
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
Rock Puns
Why should you never expect perfection from geologists?
Because they all have their faults.
Pun Puns
Did you expect to laugh at puns?
No, but they've groan on me!
Contact us | Help | About us | Terms | Privacy policy | Categories | Collections