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Due Jokes

Puns
I heard the local flasher was due to retire.
But hes decided to stick it out for another year.
Fire Puns
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
Hummus Puns
Due to unusually successful harvests of chickpeas this year, the price of hummus is going to fall dramatically.
Buy the dip.
Onion Puns
I recently heard on the news that due to newly detected fungus infection in the onions, the government was recalling all the recent packages of the vegetables. Despite being a farmer, I had no tears to shed over this.
Nuts Puns
The students were going nuts when they saw all the assignments due in the curri-kola-m.
When is the peanut butter due to arrive?
In a Jif.
Spouse Puns
My fiance is kidding... She's due in 7 months!
Rainbow Puns
I tried to make it to the end of the rainbow but didn't due to lilac of effort.
Corona Virus Jokes
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.
Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.
I really hope Santa can figure out how to make all his deliveries this year due to Covid-19......
I hear he just ran out of santa-tizer.
I was going to make a joke about losing your senses due to COVID.
But I decided it was poor taste.
Funny Money Quotes
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
Weather Puns
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
Due to bad weather, I won't be attending the Meteorology Convention.
I'm gonna take a rain-check.
Deer Puns
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
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