Double Jokes

A linguistics professor says during a lecture that, "In English, a double negative forms a positive. But in some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, in no language in the world can a double positive form a negative." But then a voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
Want to ge together sometime and make Double Trouble?
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
A Help desk guy speaking to a lady user...
Help desk: Double click on "My Computer".
Lady: I can't see your computer...
Help desk: No... click on "My Computer" on your computer.
Lady: How the hell can I click on your computer from my computer?!
Help desk: There is an icon labelled "My Computer" on your computer... double click on it...
Lady: What the hell is your computer doing on my computer?
"I'll have a double cappuccino, half-caf, non-fat milk, with enough foam to be aesthetically pleasing, but not so much that it would leave a mustache."
— Niles Crane
In grammar you shouldn’t do double negatives.
It’s a no no.
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Did you hear what happened when the decorator painted his wife with cheese? He double Gloucester!
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