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Control Jokes

Animal Pick Up Lines
Can I borrow your cell phone? I need to call animal control cause I just saw a fox!
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."
TV Puns
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Troll Puns
What do you call a troll that’s in charge?
In control.
History Puns
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
Friendship Quotes
“Whenever I’m sad, you’re there. Whenever I’m having problems you are always there. Whenever my life seems out of control, you are always there. Let’s face it. You are bad luck.”
— Unknown
Ancient Greek Monster Puns
According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse half human doctor.
This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.
Keyboard Puns
I've got no home, I haven't got control, and I can't see any escape.
I should get a new keyboard.
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Greece Puns
In Greek Mythology, Chiron was not only half man and half horse, he was also a doctor of medicine
That made him the centaur for disease control.
Medieval Puns
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Yard Puns
Someone randomly dropped off a bull in my neighbor’s yard, but animal control picked it up before she got home.
She would have had a cow.
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