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Close Jokes

Mermaid Puns
Famous mermaid saying: Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.
Funny Parenting Quotes
โ€œParenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, 'You donโ€™t have a clue what horrors this world holds.'โ€

- Rob Delaney.
The Beatles Pick Up Lines
Close your eyes and I will kiss you. Tomorrow I will miss you.
Canadian Pick Up Lines
Oh I didn't mean to pull you in so close. I thought I heard a rutting bull moose.
I wish I was Tim Horton's coffeeโ€ฆSo I could get close to your lips.
Meat Puns
Why did the cow and the bull become so close? Because they became beef-friends.
Elvis Pick Up Lines
A little less fight and a little more spark, close your mouth and open your heart.
Food Quotes
โ€œIโ€™m like Pacman when Iโ€™m at a party, I eat everything and run away from anyone coming close to me.โ€
โ€• Unknown
Funny Money Quotes
โ€œMoney isnโ€™t the most important thing in life, but itโ€™s reasonably close to oxygen on the โ€œgotta have itโ€ scale." ~Zig Ziglar
Monster Puns
Why are vampire families always so close knit?
Because blood is thicker than water.
Don't get too close to a vampire, they have a serious case of bat breath.
Pea Puns
Q: Why were the two green pea plants so close?
A: They had deep roots.
Yard Puns
I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.
I don't know why, but they seem shady.
Mushroom Puns
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
Spouse Puns
After making love the other night, I told my husband that I love when the whispers sweet things in my ear...
So my hubby leaned in close and whispered... "Syrup."
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