You know you’re getting old when…
You need to keep a fire extinguisher close to the cake.
How did the close race between the rabbit and the tortoise end? It was won by a hare!
Just been to the funeral of a close friend who died when he was hit in the head by a tennis ball
Great service.
What does a pizza say when it wants to cuddle?
Fold me close.
The sun replies: I hurt everyone when they come close to me.
The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but the fly comes close. -- Mark Twain
Choose any number between 2 and 7. Multiply by 4 and add 3. Now reverse the digits and close your eyes.
Dark, isn’t it?
"Mom look! I’m a 3D printer!"
"Ugh Tommy, close the door when you poop."
When does a hot dog have a close shave? At the barber-cue!
What do you call a grilled cheese sandwich that's all up in your face? Too close for comfort food.
How can you tell if there's a dinosaur in the refrigerator ? The door won't close!
Why do army snipers close one eye while shooting?
Because if they closed both eyes they wouldn't be able to see.
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
What did the wise papa fish tell his son?
Keep your friends close and your anemones closer.