A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them.
He asked if they had a license and, when they said they didn't, He sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license from him.
When they got back to the judge, he pointed out they had filled the names in wrong -- with his where hers belonged and vice versa. They rushed back to the clerk's office, caught him again, and got another license.
This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in the date in the wrong format. Again they caught the clerk... and after five reissued licenses, the judge was finally satisfied.
Judge: "I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If there are irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal, and any children you might have would be, putting it delicately, technical bastards."
Groom: "That's funny - that's just what the clerk called you."
A dog went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote: "Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof." The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another 'Woof' for the same price." "Yea but that would make no sense." replied the dog.
Dustin and Jane (both blonds) were delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby had come to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful Russian baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation.
On the way home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the registration clerk inquired, “What ever possessed you to study Russian?” The couple said proudly, “We just adopted a Russian baby and in a year or so he’ll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him.”
A man and his girlfriend check into a hotel.
“I don’t know why, but I’m afraid that this room might be bugged with hearing devices.” the girlfriend tells her boyfriend. "I read online that some hotels do that!"
“That’s crazy, there’s nothing to be worried about.” the man replies.
The girl insists, so he starts to search the room. He looks in all of the drawers, under the TV, and behind the curtains. When he pulls the rug up, to his utter disbelief, he finds a suspicious looking disc.
“Wow, you might be right!” the man says as he unscrews the disc from the floor.
The next morning, they head to the front desk to check out of their room.
“You guys must’ve had a good time last night!” the clerk says laughing.
Angry and confused, the man asks “AND HOW WOULD YOU KNOW THAT?!”
The clerk replies “Well, on the floor below you, the entire chandelier came down.”
Walking through a supermarket, a young woman noticed an old lady following him around.
She ignored her for a while, but when she got to the checkout line, she got in front of him.
“Pardon me,” she said. “I’m sorry if I’ve been staring, but you look just like my daughter who died recently.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” the young woman replied. “Is there anything I can do for you?”
“Well, as I’m leaving, could you just say ‘Goodbye, mother!?’ It would make me feel so much better.” She gave her a sweet smile.
“Of course I can,” the young woman promised, touched.
As she gathered her bags and left, she called out “Goodbye, mother!” just as she had requested, feeling good about her smile.
Stepping up to the counter, she saw that her total was about $100 higher than it should be. “That amount is wrong,” she said. “I only have a few items!”
“Oh, your mother said that you'd pay for her.” explained the clerk.
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package, pointed to a little old man standing beside her, smiled and said. "Grandpa, pay the man."
A robber pulled a gun on the bank clerk and manager saying,
“Give me all the money! I need it to set myself up in a trade or profession.
You know, initial investment is needed to cover the overheads until my cash flow is established and turned into passive income.”
The bank manager said to the clerk, “You’d better do what he says, I think he means business.”