Items

I was walking past the store today when I saw a sign saying, "All items one-third off."
So I bought a dozen eggs. Unfortunately four of them were rotten.
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
A Touching Encounter
A Touching Encounter Walking through a supermarket, a young woman noticed an old lady following him around. She ignored her for a while, but when she got to the checkout line, she got in front of him. “Pardon me,” she said. “I’m sorry if I’ve been staring, but you look just like my daughter who died recently. “I’m sorry for your loss,” the young woman replied. “Is there anything I can do for you?” “Well, as I’m leaving, could you just say ‘Goodbye, mother!?’ It would make me feel so much better.” She gave her a sweet smile. “Of course I can,” the young woman promised, touched. As she gathered her bags and left, she called out “Goodbye, mother!” just as she had requested, feeling good about her smile. Stepping up to the counter, she saw that her total was about $100 higher than it should be. “That amount is wrong,” she said. “I only have a few items!” “Oh, your mother said that you'd pay for her.” explained the clerk.
Yesterday I went to the store for only 2 items, a rising crust pizza and a strawberry cake. Fortunately they were relatively light, so bringing it home was a pizza cake!
I don't care *how* many items you've got, baby, I could check you out all day long!
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