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Case Jokes

Clothes Pick Up Lines
In case of an emergency, pull down the zipper on my pants.
Yard Puns
During the divorce, the judge couldn't decide who got the shack in the backyard, despite our numerous arguments.
It was a case of he shed, she shed.
Funny Money Quotes
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
Cherry Puns
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
Food Quotes
“I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case we’re having cake.”
― Unknown
Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception."
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
"As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife."
Orange Puns
Why did the orange get insurance?
Zest in case.
Food Poems
When I go out to dinner,
I do not want to share.
I don’t care what is on your plate;
I don’t want to compare.

I scan the menu up and down
And then make my selection.
When it arrives, it’s meant for me
And not for your inspection.

“You want to taste my fish?” I’m asked.
Some people never learn;
For then the expectation is
To taste mine in return.

And so the answer’s always No!
Yet comments never cease.
“Your fries look really good!” They are,
So let me eat in peace!

Each morsel on my dish is mine
And I intend to finish.
Perhaps my attitude will make
Your thoughts of me diminish.

I’m sorry if that is the case –
Dessert I’ll split just fine;
But when the meal’s delivered –
You eat yours and I’ll eat mine!

(Ilene Bauer)
Onion Puns
Why does Mr. Potato Head have a mobile?
In case Mr. Onion rings.
Grocery Store Pick Up Lines
I always like to keep my place stocked with coffee and breakfast food in case I don't wake up alone.
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