Care Jokes

It’s your birthday, I know
But I couldn’t care less
Where is the cake, that’s the part I love best?
I understand it’s your birthday
But I am telling you now
If the cake doesn’t come soon
I’m throwing in the towel
People who take good care of their hair with just shampoo and water...
Must love it unconditionally.
Hi, I'm the Easter Bunny and I don't care if you are naughty or nice!
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
When I go out to dinner,
I do not want to share.
I don’t care what is on your plate;
I don’t want to compare.

I scan the menu up and down
And then make my selection.
When it arrives, it’s meant for me
And not for your inspection.

“You want to taste my fish?” I’m asked.
Some people never learn;
For then the expectation is
To taste mine in return.

And so the answer’s always No!
Yet comments never cease.
“Your fries look really good!” They are,
So let me eat in peace!

Each morsel on my dish is mine
And I intend to finish.
Perhaps my attitude will make
Your thoughts of me diminish.

I’m sorry if that is the case –
Dessert I’ll split just fine;
But when the meal’s delivered –
You eat yours and I’ll eat mine!

(Ilene Bauer)
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
I don't care *how* many items you've got, baby, I could check you out all day long!
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.”

— Neil Simon
"A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of."
- T.H. Everett
I don’t care if all of the other giants see me as a big joke for filing a restraining order on a guy I’ve got 75 feet on.
Beanstalked is a serious matter.
What did Mrs. Pea say to his wife after she refused to listen to her? "I don't care, just do as you peas."
You're so fine that I wouldn't care if you were dead or alive!
“To make a difference in someone’s life you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect you just have to care enough and be there.”
— Unknown
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