Bite Jokes

I knew this gift would make you smile,
It's perfect for your many adventures,
Now you can take a bite out of life,
With a pair of brand-new dentures.

(Kevin Nishmas)
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Tiny Chihuahua,
Humongous Great Dane.
The difference between them
Is really quite plain.
Feisty Chihuahua
Will yap-yap and yip.
If he doesn't like you,
You may get a nip!
Gentle Great Dane
Has a powerful bite,
But never would nip you.
She's much too polite.
Great Dane finds the carpet
A fine place to nap.
Chihuahua loves curling
Right up in your lap.
Their owners would have
Some cause for dismay
If each dog behaved
In the opposite way!

(Kristin Frederick)
Does Your Dog Bite? A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?” The shopkeeper says, “No, he doesn’t bite.” The man then tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. “Ouch,” says the man, “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!” “That’s not my dog."
Soft fruits make really supportive parents. Whenever their youngsters fail at something, they just smile and say “Have another bite at the cherry.”
What do you do when you try to bake a cherry pie for the first time and it doesn't turn out so well? Just wait for the second bite of the cherry.
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."

- Marilyn Monroe
What do you call a dog who only eats garlic and onions?
A dog with a bark worse than its bite.
Did you hear about the vampire who tortured his victims with music?
His Bach was worse than his bite.
What do you get when you cross a vampire with an ice cube?
You end up with frost bite.
Why should you be careful not to insult a crocodile?
It may come back to bite you in the butt.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
What’s the difference between a dog and a gator?
A dog’s bark is worse than its bite.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
"I don't bite, you know... unless it's called for."
- Audrey Hepburn, Charade (1963)
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