Birds

What Do You Call a Bird...
What Do You Call a Bird... What bird can do more that others? A Pelican. What two birds met in the insane asylum? A Cuckoo and a Loon. What bird lives in Hollywood? A Starling. What bird can give you splinters? A woodpecker. What bird works in construction? A Crane. What bird loves guacamole? A Dipper. What do you call a bird that picks its nose? A Flicker. What do you call a bird that works at a restaurant? A Wader. What bird just got arrested? A Robin. What bird goes to church? A Cardinal. What is a man's favorite bird? A Swallow. What bird does drugs? A Junco. What bird wears a toupee? A Heron. What bird is in a band? A Rock Dove. What bird can't walk straight? A warbler. What bird parties the most? A Raven!
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
Can birds sell cereal to children?
I don't know if one can, but toucan.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
I'm out bird watching with Sinead O'Connor....
so far it´s been 7 owls and 15 jays.
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
What is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?
The feathers.

Because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
As the birds fly south
I make reservations to
Go to Florida.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
A female sheep and a couple of aggressive birds are sitting on the veranda. What language do they speak?
Porchewegeese.
What country has the most birds?
Turkey.