Asking Jokes

I know you’ve turned me down before, but I’m asking for an extra shot.
All the toilets in the police station have disappeared and they are asking for witnesses.
They currently have nothing to go on.
Today is your birthday, don’t pull your hair,
Look in the mirror, nature was fair,
Not a day over twenty,
I’m kidding, you’re plenty.

Don’t mean to burst your bubble,
But stop asking for trouble,
You know what I mean,
When you drink that caffeine.

What should I bring?
Just give me a ring.
Elephant or clown?
I knew you would frown.

(Martin Dejnicki)
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend but he kept asking her for another shot.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Gardening question: Does anyone know a good place where I can buy a fern? Asking for a frond.
I tried asking some beavers to help me build my house. They didn’t give a dam.
People keep asking me why I’m working for Dr. Frankenstein.
I’m just trying to make a living.
Why is Frankenstein always asking for help?
He’s looking for someone to give him a hand.
My entire family keeps asking why I’m still single. Want to help me change that?
“Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower. And Dad is in the kitchen.” – @SarcasticMommy4
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone
“You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they’re going.”
—P. J. O’Rourke
You're old enough to know, my son,
It's really awfully rude
If someone speaks when both his cheeks
Are jammed and crammed with food.
Your mother asked you how you liked
the onions in the stew.
You stuffed your mouth with raisin bread
And mumbled, "Vewee goo."

Then when she asked you what you said,
You took a drink of milk,
And all that we could understand
Was, "Uggle gluggle skwilk."

And now you're asking me if you
Can have more lemon Jell-O.
Please listen carefully, "Yes, ifoo
Arstilla ungwy fello."

(Martin Gardner)
Three Funerals and a Wedding A woman makes a new friend at the gym, a beautiful woman. A few months later, she gets a wedding invitation. Excited, she asks her friend if this is her first marriage. "Fourth, actually." Says the other woman . Her friend says, "Fourth?? How.. how wonderful." Curiosity gets the better of her and she asks, "I hope you don’t mind me asking what happened to your first three husbands?" The woman replies, "First one ate poisonous mushrooms and died." "Oh, how tragic!" she gasps. "What about your second husband?" "He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died." the woman replies. Feeling shocked, "Oh, how terrible! I am almost afraid to ask you about your third husband. Did he eat poison mushrooms, too?" she asks. "Oh, no. He died of a broken neck." Came her reply. Her friend asks, "A broken neck?" The woman calmly looks at her and says, "He wouldn’t eat his mushrooms.."
Hershey factories make millions of kisses a day, but I’m asking for only one.
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