Afford Jokes

“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”

- Garry Shandling.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
If I had a dollar every time a customer complained about the price of cinema food, I could almost afford a small popcorn.
If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to get me to buy something, I'd be able to afford whatever they're selling.
Shopping at the music store, my friend had to settle for a fiver saxophone ...
They couldn't afford a tenor.
Why couldn't the father afford to take his kids to classical music concerts?
Because he was Baroque
My friend can't afford expensive art, she has no Monet.
“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

“You know, some people say life is short and that you could get hit by a bus at any moment and that you have to live each day like it’s your last. Bullshit. Life is long. You’re probably not gonna get hit by a bus. And you’re gonna have to live with the choices you make for the next fifty years.”
Chris Rock
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill.
So I sent him a “get well soon” card.
What should you do if you can't afford a fancy trumpet?
Buy a frugelhorn
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