In the dim and distant past, When life's tempo wasn't fast, Grandma used to rock and knit, Crochet, tat, and babysit. When we were in a jam, We could always count on gram. In the age of gracious living, Grandma's life was one of giving. But today... Now grandma's at the gym, Exercising to keep slim, She's off touring with the bunch, Or taking all her friends to lunch. Driving north to fish or hike, Taking time to ride her bike. Nothing seems to block or stop her, Now that grandma's off her rocker.
A Dirty-Minded Captain
A jumbo jet is on its final approach coming in to Toronto Airport. The pilot comes on the intercom.
"This is your Captain speaking. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto".
He forgot to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, what you gonna do in Toronto?"
"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap ... then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner..... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give it to her big-time all night."
Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess. Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off.
Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.
The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta use the bathroom first."