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A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
Dad: I heard that you got punished for saying the F-word in class. That wasn’t fun, was it?
Son: No, it was F*ck.
My life-long rival just beat my record for deep-sea diving.
This is a new low.
My wife drove our German car off the pier into the sea. The next day I went diving to look for it.
I got the Benz.
I applied for a job as an Instructor at a Scuba Diving center. The interviewer wanted to know if I can work well under pressure.
What do you get for diving into a wave of oranges.
Vitamin Sea.
Is the pool safe for diving?
It deep ends.
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
I'm using a bra for a face mask.
I like to keep abreast of corona security measures.
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Following a recipe, says I need: pears, five cubed. 125 sounds like a lot of pears for a pie…
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.

“What are you doing?” I asked him.

“Preparing.”
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun.

Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.

Child: Yea...

Dad: Then why is there only one?
If I had 5 dollars for every math test I have ever failed then I would have 37 dollars.
I've been searching for three years for my mother-in-law's killer... but apparently no one will do it.
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