1. Why do you never see hippos hiding in trees?
Because they're extremely good at it.
2. Why do ducks fly south in winter?
Walking takes way too long.
3. Why do flamingos usually lift a single leg while standing?
Because if they lifted both, they'd topple over.
4. Why do ants never get ill?
Because they are made out of antibodies.
5. Why did the old lady fall into the well?
She couldn’t see that well.
6. Why don’t seagulls live near the bay?
Because if they did they would be bagels.
7. Why can't you hear a pterodactyl use the toilet?
Because the "P" is silent!
8. Why don't helicopters fly at 5am?
9. Why should you never invite a nosy pepper to your home?
He’ll get jalapeño business.
10. Why can't burritos be trusted?
They tend to spill the beans!
11. Why did the snail get a giant letter S painted on his new Ferrari?
So people will say “Look at that S-car go!”
12. Why couldn't the hippie be saved by the lifeguard?
He was too far out, man!
13. Why was the tomato red?
He saw the salad dressing.
14. Why does the chicken coop only have two doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.
15. Why do mermaids wear seashells?
Because they outgrew their B shells.
16. Why did the fungi leave the fungus?
There was not mushroom.
17. Why was the mushroom the life of the party?
Because he's a fungi.
18. Why did the banana lose its driving license?
He peeled out.
19. Why do scuba divers fall backward out boats?
Because if they fell forwards they would still be in the boat.
20. Why shouldn't you run in a campsite?
Because you can only ran, since it's past tents.
21. Why do Norwegian Navy ships have barcodes?
So when they return to port, they can scan-de-navy-in.
22. Why did seven eat nine?
Because you're meant to eat three squared meals each day.
23. Why can’t pirates remember the alphabet?
They always get lost at C!
24. Why can't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
25. Why was the bear happy and sad simultaneously?
He was a bi-polar bear.
26. Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days?
They look a bit shady.
27. Why can't you tell jokes to a kleptomaniac?
They always take things, literally.
28. Why don't sprinters eat before a big race?
29. Why does ET have such huge eyes?
He saw his electricity bill.
30. Why did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
31. Why does everyone want to move to Switzerland?
Their flag is a big plus.
32. Why did the scarecrow win a Nobel prize?
It was out standing in its field.
33. Why should you always wear two pairs of pants when golfing?
In case you get a hole in one.
34. Why couldn't the Buddhist vacuum under the bed?
Because he had no attachments.
35. Why do bagpipers walk when playing their instrument?
To get away from the noise.