What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.