Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.