Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.