What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.