What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.