What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
Why do zombies only date intelligent women?
They just love a woman with brains.
What do zombies eat for dessert?
Eyes cream.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.