Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Did you hear about the zombie after-school club?
It's dead in that place.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.