What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
What do zombies serve at parties?
Finger food.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
What do you call a herd of undead llamas?
The zombie alpacalypse.
What do you call a zombie in pajamas?
The sleepwalking dead.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What did the mummy say to the zombie?
- Stop ragging on me!
What do zombies say to their sweethearts?
- I chew-s you.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What streets do zombies live on?
Dead ends.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.
Why did the zombie bite off the comedian's hands?
His jokes were too funny to handle.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.