Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What do you call a row of zombies?
A deadline.
What is a zombie that speaks two languages?
Zombilingual.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
What money do zombies use?
Crypt-o-currency.
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication.
Where do zombies go sailing?
Lake Eerie.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
Why didn’t the zombie stay in town?
There was a new head strong sherif in town!
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
What did the last of the zombies say to the survivers of the apocalypse?
- It’s been a living hell with you guys around.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What advice would you hear from a zombie?
- Never put your eggs into one casket.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
What did the zombie carrot say to the lettuce?
- Give me your heads!!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Where's the safest place to be in the zombie apocalypse?
The living room.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
Who's Denmark's greatest Zombie actor?
Rigor Mortissen
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What is a zombie’s favorite shampoo?
Head & Shoulders.