Why do some zombies only eat the rich?
They are in the mood for something gore-met.
What did the zombie bank robber say to the cops?
- You'll never take me alive.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
What do vegetarian zombies say?
Graaaiiinnss!
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
What do you call a zombie DJ?
A dead beat.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
What did the zombie say when she fell out with her vampire friend?
- You're dead to me!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What do you call a zombie who stir-fries?
Dead Man Wokking
What’s a zombie’s favorite toy?
A dead-y bear.
How are zombies like computers?
They use mega-bites!
What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Why did the zombie stop teaching?
He only had one pupil!
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
Why do zombies speak Latin?
It’s a dead language.
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
What did the zombie call the girl he was dating?
His ghoul-friend.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What time do zombies wake up?
At ate o’clock!
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately.
What did the zombie say when he failed the exam?
- I didn't have enough brains.
What do zombie actors do before they perform?
They re-hearse.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
When do zombies go to sleep?
When they are dead tired.
Did you hear about the zombie who was expelled from school?
He kept buttering up his teacher!
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Why did the zombie go to the doctor?
Because of his coffin.
What did the zombie say after seeing his neighbor’s new car?
- I’m green with envy!
Why did the zombie take a sick day?
She had cold symp-tombs.
What part of the military do zombies serve in?
The marine corpse.
What does a heartbroken zombie say?
- I just want zombodie to love.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Why can't the zombie get a job?
They all want someone more lively.