What do zombies say before a fight?
- Do you want a piece of me?
What do you call an undead bee?
A zom-bee.
Where do zombies go for beach holidays?
The Dead Sea.
- Do old zombie actors ever die?
- Yes, they sometimes drop a part.
What is black, white and dead all over?
A zombie in a tuxedo.
Normal Zombies: BRAAINNNNSSS!!
Vegetarian Zombies: GRAAINNNNSSS!!
Body Builder Zombies: GAAINNNNSSS!!
Plumber Zombies: DRAAINNNNSSS!!
Conductor Zombies: TRAAINNNNSSS!!
Weatherman Zombies: RAAINNNNSSS!!
What did the zombie say when she thought the werewolf was keeping secrets?
Spill the zombeans.
What did the zombie boss say to the zombie employee?
- Don’t miss the undeadline!
The zombie had had a really long day at work.
She was dead tired.
How do you know if you are dealing with a smart zombie?
They are wearing helmets!
What did the zombie pour on her dinner?
Grave-y.
What crosswords do zombies like?
Crypt-ic ones.
Why did the Zombie baseball pitcher retire?
He threw his arm out.
What do you call a one-inch zombie?
Tomb thumb!
What do you call a zombie with lots of kids?
A mom-ster.
The zombie astrologer writes really scary predictions.
They're horror-scopes.
What happened when the zombie refused to pay its ticket from the police?
It was facing grave consequences.
Why do comedians hate telling jokes at zombie night?
All they hear is groans.
The zombie's had some bad news.
He's looking very grave.
What is a zombie's favorite kind of weather?
Brainstorms.
What's a zombie's least favorite quiz question?
A no-brainer.
What is the highest compliment a zombie can receive?
- Wow, you're in Grave condition!
What do you call a zombie door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer!
What kind of makeup do zombies wear?
Mas-scare-a.
"This graveyard's gotten way too popular," said the zombie to the vampire.
"People are dying to get in."
Why did the zombie eat a light bulb?
Because he wanted a light snack.
What do you call a dog that comes back from the dead?
A zom-beagle.
Why did the zombie comedian get booed off stage?
Because the jokes he told were rotten.
What did the zombie get when she was late to dinner?
The cold shoulder.
Zombies are dead but they live with it.
Spent the whole day running around dressed as a zombie. I’m dead on my feet.
Why did the zombie go crazy?
He had lost his mind.
I walked past Mozart's grave.
He was sitting up, shouting "Braaiinnss" and ripping up all his music.
I guess he's a decomposer now.
What kind of potatoes do zombies like?
Monster mash.
Where do zombie monkeys live?
In the brain forest.
What do you call a zombie driving a Ferrari?
A zoombie.
What does the zombie say to her zombie crush?
- Are you going to kiss me or rot?
What do zombies call a battle between classical music composers where one of them loses their mind?
A de-Bach-le.
Why was the zombie so grumpy?
He woke up on the wrong side of the dead.
This zombie kept cutting the line so I gave her a piece of my mind.
She said it was yummy.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens?
The Bu-gawking Dead
What did the conductor say when he became a zombie?
Traaaaaaaaiiiinsss!!!
Why don't zombies eat comedians?
They taste funny.
Halloween was nearly over, and the zombie was hurrying to get back to her tomb before the sun came up.
She was rushing so much, she didn't even notice the headstone was the wrong shape before she got in. It was a grave mistake.
Why was the zombie afraid to cross the road?
He had lost his guts.
Where does a zombie get a spare body part
Second hand.
The zombie worked for years to win this prize. He showed real dead-ication.
What cars do zombies drive?
Monster trucks.
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?
He was dead lifting.
How do zombies introduce themselves?
- Pleased to eat you.