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Stand Jokes

Meat Puns
What type of relationships do hotdogs like to have? A frank relationship, they can’t stand lies.
Meat cutters are really no good at stand up comedy; they tend to butcher all the best jokes.
Funny Work Quotes
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
Funny Animal Quotes
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
Zombie Puns
Why did the zombie lose his lawsuit?
He had no leg to stand on!
Mushroom Puns
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
Peach Puns
An inspirational speaker came to speak at the fruit stand today. He told us to peach for the stars.
Flamingo Puns
My wife and I are very competitive, but when it came to flamingo impersonation, I didn't stand a chance
She had a leg up the whole time.
Elf Puns
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Funny Break Up Lines
Hey babe do you need crutches? Cause I can’t stand you anymore.
Toxic Pick Up Lines
Excuse me, I just farted over there. Can I stand here with you?
Yard Puns
I told my brother not to stand too close to the trees in our backyard.
I don't know why, but they seem shady.
Crow Puns
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
Weather Pick Up Lines
You can stand under my umbrella.
Cycling Pick Up Lines
I'm an endurance athlete. Think you can stand the HIIT?