High Jokes

"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It’s a grain. It’s like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
– James Patterson
What do you call a group of cows that are on top of a hill? High steaks.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
Why do werewolves not enter the Olympics? Too high a chance of a silver medal.
If your imagination hits peak high and you combine a toadstool and a suitcase, you won’t have mushroom for your vacation clothes.
Let’s have high tea & fall in love sometime. You can be my little biscuit.
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
Are you a drill sergeant? Because you’ve got my privates on high alert.
What do you call an onion that is very sick and has a high temperature? It is a boiling onion.
The theoretic turtle started out to see the toad;
He came to a stop at a liberty-pole in the middle of the road.
“Now how, in the name of the spouting whale,” the indignant turtle cried,
“Can I climb this perpendicular cliff, and get on the other side?
If I only could make a big balloon, I’d lightly over it fly;
Or a very long ladder might reach the top, though it does look fearfully high.
If a beaver were in my place, he’d gnaw a passage through with his teeth;
I can’t do that, but I can dig a tunnel and pass beneath.”
He was digging his tunnel, with might and main, when a dog looked down at the hole.
“The easiest way, my friend,” said he, “is to walk around the pole.”

(Amos Russel Wells)
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high...
She looked surprised.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
American cherries generally do pretty well at high school. Many of them end up on the cherryleading squad.
Twinkle Twinkle little star,
I want to hit you with a car.
Throw you off a tree so high.
Hope you break your neck and die!
Twinkle Twinkle little star.
Go to heck, it isnt far.
With long legs like yours, you don't need high heels.