A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and the sizzlin' steak platter. "Here's your steak," the bartender says. "Be careful, that plate is really hot." "Oh, no worries," the guy replies. "I'm not really attracted to plates."
A blond loses his check book, so he goes to the bank 2 days later to report it. Bank manager: I warned you to be careful with your check book, because anyone can forge your signature. Man: "I'm not a fool. I already signed all the checks so there is no space to forge my signature!"