Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
In my village, there is a farmer who takes his cows to refill their food at the grass station.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
What was the worst crime in the tree kingdom? Tree-son.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
How was the snow globe feeling after the storm?
A little shaken
Rivers are so lazy they never get out of their beds.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
Why are mountains always sleepy? Because they n-Everest.
Did you hear the joke about the elephant who was stuck in a tree last spring? To get down, she had to sit down on a branch and wait until fall.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
I can sea clearly now.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
Why did the river refuse to join the sea? Because the sea was salty.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
What did the gold say to the pyrite?
You’re a fool and a fake!
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
Q: What do you call it when it rains chickens and ducks?
A: Fowl weather.
My parents always told me I can be anything I wanted, the sky's the limit
This made me sad because I wanted to be an astronaut.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
Why don’t elephants go to the beach?
Because their trunks always fall down.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
Where does seaweed look for a job?
In the kelp-wanted section
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
What is a mountains favorite type of candy?
Snow caps.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
Why is grass so dangerous? Because it is full of blades!
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for Fresh Prints!
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.