The feds were on a global hunt for a cow who was known to hide behind foliage. They finally located her in Moss-cow.
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
How the tree introduce themselves to the dentist?
“Implant”
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
What do you say when the beach asks you to walk on it?
Shore
It was pretty foggy outside today.
I shot an arrow in the air, and it stuck.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
What is a blue whale’s favourite James Bond Film?
Licence to Krill.
What is a cat's favorite color in the rainbow? Purrrrrple of course.
It was so hot that the bee's perm had become extremely unmanageable, so she turned into a frizzbee.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
The queen’s favorite form of precipitation is the reign.
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What is it called when bigger burgers fall from the sky?
Meatier showers.
What happens when you’re alone and you get too cold.
You’re totally ice-olated.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
How did the pines and firs end their war? With a tree-ty.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire
I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
I don't know if I just got hit by freezing rain, but it hurt like hail.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?
He had a very esteemed colleague.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
My Dermatologist was fired today...
He made too many rash decisions.
Two rocks at the bottom of a mountain. First rock: Avalanche!
Second rock: Ha! I'm not gonna fall for that again!