What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Why did the fisherman start doing drugs?
Pier pressure.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
Dad has a pet snake that eats the grass in his yard.
It's a lawnboa.
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
What did the Christmas tree tell his crush? I pine for you.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking”.
Apparently the correct terms are “Cremation” and “Burial”.
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
What did the pigeon say after being struck by lightning?
Not coo.
I stopped my phones to the cloud, and I kept getting mist calls.
When it rains chickens and ducks, the best description for the weather is foul weather.
What’s a bigamist?
It’s what Italians call a thick fog.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
A friend of mine is his team's best footballer on paper. Unfortunately, they play most of their games on grass.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
Grass absorbs nutrients always by the process of grass-imilation.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
I'm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
It's row v. wade.
RIP to Boiled Water.
You will be sorely mist.
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
It was so hot that the bee's perm had become extremely unmanageable, so she turned into a frizzbee.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
What does a stick say when it falls down?
"Wood you help me up?"
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Shell yeah.
The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
What does a fish say when he makes a mistake?
It was just a fluke!
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Why was the Blonde fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing away the W's.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
What do you call a martial arts expert in a tree?
Bruce Leaf.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano? I really lava you!