Lightning never strikes coffee in its bean form.
Only when it's ground.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
Where do rocks like to sleep?
In bedrocks!
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
What kind of money snowmen use in the North Pole?
Cold cash!
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
Yesterday’s weather forecast predicted freezing rain. However, it turned out to be quite an ice day.
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
Q: Why did the little clouds idolize the big cloud?
A: Because he was the raining champion.
Our weather bureau is actually an umbrella organization.
What types of mushrooms do vegetarians avoid? Oyster mushrooms.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?
Hare spray.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
What did the cloud say to the rainbow? Thank you for adding color to my day.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
When a mountain falls sick, it tells the doctor that he's feeling really very, very hill.
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
I tried playing baseball in the fog today.
It was a bit hit and mist.
What do you call an old snowman?
Water.
Why did the leaf go to the doctor? It was feeling green!
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
How do you get into the mush-room? Ring the porta-bella.
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.