What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today.
But it’s definitely up there.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
Why is rain the best kind of music?
Because it has amazing drops.
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
Why do trees always hold grudges? Because they never fir-get.
How do you know if an ant is a boy or a girl?
If you toss it in the water and it sinks, it’s a girl. If the ant floats, it’s a buoyant.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
When darkness sets in, fungi much like many other organisms go to sleep, but in mush-rooms.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
The best place meteorologists can stop to get a drink on their way home is the isobar.
What did the mushroom say after the car accident? Help I’m a truffle!
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
What do you call an Irish gem that’s a fake?
A sham rock.
During our journey through the savanna grasslands, we kept track of time with the help of an hour-grass.
What is the trees favorite fruit? Pine-apple.
What do you call a slow skier?
A slopepoke!
I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
When were rock puns the funniest?
During the stone age.
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice?
Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”