What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What do you call two bandits in a race on the ocean.
Piracy.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
Why was the evergreen so lonely in high school? She was always pining to become a part of the poplar kids.
Mom told son to clean his room. But instead, he set it on fire.
It was a hot mess
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
When the drivers ran out of fuel in the grassland, they refueled their tanks with grass-oline!
What kind of shorts do clouds wear? Thunderwear!
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
What did one ocean say to another?
Nothing, it just waved.
Why are flowers so good at problem-solving?
They know how to nip things in the bud.
What did the flower tell his son before a big game?
I’m rooting for you.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
Why don’t Native Americans like to do rain dances in April anymore?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
Tropic like it's hot.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
Why do freshwater fish cry so much?
They’re just a stream of emotions.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
A man once said when is Monday coming? His wife said Mon-soon.
What has leaves, is green and a trunk? A houseplant heading on vacation.
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
What is the name of the car that passes through the narrow stream of the river? Fjord.
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.