How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?
A: You're shocking!
What do you call it when it rains ducks and geese?
Fowl weather.
What does a spy do in the rain?
He goes undercover.
What was the conversation like at the dinner party with all the boring flowers?
Like pollen teeth.
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
Q: What did the wind turbine say to the engineer after he fixed him?
A: I’m a big fan of your work!
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
I'm debating whether I should cross the river on foot or use my rowboat...
It's row v. wade.
You can virtually stay in any room. The only one you can’t is the mush-room because it is reserved for fungi.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
Have you ever heard of mushroom cars? Well, they have an interesting sound which goes line shroom shroom!
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
Solving problems in the mountains is easy. It really Alps to clear your head.
How much do you love rainbows? Just a skittle bit.
Are you addicted to the ocean and ocean life?
If you are, sea kelp
What's a king's favorite kind of precipitation?
Hail!
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
What did the metamorphic rock say during the test? This is too much pressure!
During a family discussion, my father said that grass is not greener than other plants. No one should make a biased grass-umption like that.
There are two reasons why you should never drink toilet water.
Number one. And number two.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
Q: What did the tornado say to the sportscar?
A: I’m taking you for a quick spin!
Why is the ocean so salty?
Because the land never waves back.
Why are trees a popular Christmas decoration? They look good in boughs.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
Why are small dried up river beds so cool? Because they're ex-stream.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
What happened when it started raining coins?
It knocked some sense (cents) into the world.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
How does a mushroom decorate a home? With toadstools.
How do you wash clothes at the beach?
With Tide.
As I am walking towards my classroom, I get to know that my miss-is-sippi-ng my glass of water.
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.