Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
I got camping insurance....but if someone steals my tent in the middle of the night....
I'm no longer covered.
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
I had a dream the ocean was filled with orange soda
It was a Fanta sea.
What did the vegan wear to the beach?
A zucchini!
Me: "Hello? 911? Emergency! The neighbors house is on fire!"
Dispatcher: "Did you discover the fire?"
Me: "No! Prometheus! but what does he have to do with this?"
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
What type of room do you eat? A mush room.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
What do you see when an elephant hides behind a tree?
The trunks
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
A pilot friend of mine took the flight exam and flew past a rainbow. No wonder, he passed with flying colors.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
What goes up when rain starts to come down?
Umbrellas.
Look Honey, a cactus!
I haven't seen that many pricks in one place since your family was in for Thanksgiving!
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
If you drop your white shirt in the Red Sea, what will it become?
Wet
Why were the spruces in a group of three? They like to travel as a tree-o.
The cloud hailed from the sky kingdom.
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
what do you call the smaller rivers that run into the nile?
The juveniles
My neighbors house got struck by lightning.
It hit close to home.
Does anyone remember the joke about the sodium deposits? Na.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
What do you call a storm that's raining cats and dogs?
A furricane
They told me they were handing out free beef at the beach...
When I arrived I realized it was a bay-con.
Why should anyone experiment with thin ice?
It’s the best way to achieve a major breakthrough.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
What is the tree’s least favorite month of the year? SepTIMBERRRR.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Accordion
Accordion who?
Accordion to the forecast, it's going to rain tonight.
Why didn’t Guns N Roses turn up for the gig when it was snowing?
Axel Froze.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful. Like, it really Hertz"