A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
What can you catch in the winter with your eyes closed?
A cold.
HIJKLMNO is the formula for water
H to O.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
What is the strongest creature in the ocean? A mussel!
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
What did the cow that was struck by lightning say?
I'm udderly shocked.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
What type of baseball player gives out all the water?
The Pitcher.
Wind energy is so popular. It has a lot of fans.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
A guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines so I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
My grand father always said "fight Fire with Fire".
He was a great man but a terrible Fireman
What is a mushroom’s favorite hobby? - Spore-t!
What did the river sue for?
Beaver damage.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror.
Why do dwarves live in mountains?
They dig it.
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
Why did the dad prefer driving in the rain?
Things ran more fluidly.
A disappointed Dad tells a knock-knock joke to his teenage son: "Knock knock." "Who's there?" "You're a mountain." "You're a mountain, who?" "You're a mountain to nothing, son!"
What did the vegan wear to the beach?
A zucchini!
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
Why was there lightning and thunder in the lab?
The scientists were brainstorming.
Why are people in big cities in Spain always dry?
Because the rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain.
Q: What did the leaf say to the wind?
A: You really blew me away.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Most people have off on Independence Day. Except fire.
Fire-works on 4th of July.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
I'm like a cow in tall grass,
I'm utterly tickled to be here.