I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
Beach, please.
What did the water plant worker say when their facility flooded?
Dam.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
There’s two balloons in the desert. One says look out for that cactus!
The other goes What Cactussssss...
If the sun shines while it’s snowing, what should you look for?
Snowbows.
I wanted to be a professional fortune-teller but I wasn't very good at it. I could only predict when there would be bad winter storms. Well, turns out I had been using a snow globe.
Tis the sea-sun.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
The coffee shop kept samples of burnt coffee as evidence to fire their roaster.
It was used as grounds for dismissal.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
Why were the herbs not fully grown yet? They didn't have enough thyme!
Why did the dad prefer driving in the rain?
Things ran more fluidly.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
Why are trees so silly? All of their puns arboring and acorny.
Q: What do you call a weatherman who farts while he pees?
A. Rain with a little wind and thunder.
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Why are trees such great thieves? They really have sticky fingers.
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
What clothes do rainbows wear? Thunderpants.
Wanna know what I said when I got hit by a water gun?
H2Oww
A french farmer who owned an olive plantation had a huge fire
He was extremely sad, he had lost his all his huile d'olive.
What do aspens wear to school? A tree-shirt.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
Why did the sapling jump in the ocean? He wanted to swim with the manatrees.
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
What did the evaporating raindrop say?
I’m going to pieces.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
The science teacher decided to take her class out on a field trip to the mountains because all the kids in her class desperately needed higher grades.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.
What do you call a ghoul who sits too close to the fire?
A toasty ghosty.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Bill’s house was rocking last night, everyone got stoned.
Too bad Bill didn’t have avalanche insurance.
The bartender asks one of The Beach Boys what they’d like, so he looks back to his friends
“Get a round?” “Round?” “Round?” “I’ll get a round!”
What does a tornado wear under his clothes? Thunderwear!
What do you call a snowman in July?
A puddle.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.