Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
Fancy a climb? Mount me in.
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
What is another king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Reign!
What did the carp say to his crush?
Don’t play koi with me!
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
I told my friend a tree pun.
He was stumped.
Last week, I met someone who specialized in the studies of shrubs and grasses. He called himself Neil De-grass-y Tyson!
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
How do cows intake water?
by Osmoosis.
Did you hear about the lazy flower who finally got his act together?
He just needed a kick in the bud.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school?
A skipping stone!
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
You can bet on firemen at the beach.
It's a shore-fire thing.
There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
The reason why mushrooms are always welcome even in high-end parties is because everybody believes they are really fun-guys.
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Iron Man's favourite Xmas gifts this year were socks that fire from his feet.
He called them missile toes.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
Want to hear the best rock puns? Give me a moment and I'll dig something up!
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
Are you squiding me right now?
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What do you call a human that's now a cactus?
A transplant.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
Did you hear about the cow that was lifted into the air by a tornado? It was an udder disaster!
Trying to get to the end of the rainbow is a gold move.
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
I know a man whose last name is Storm
He has three daughters: Summer, April, and Haley.
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
Do you know what is the actual difference between hell and hill? It is only a fine line.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.