Why was it hard for police to catch the tree bandit? He had them stumped.
Why did the tectonic plates break up? It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
Local weather reports state there won't be any rain for 1 year, but I drought it.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
Looking out at the water, a father explains why the ice breaks up in the spring.
The changing sea son.
What does the youngest flower child say?
Last bud not least!
I once dreamt of crossing a wide river...
But it ended up being just a ferry tale.
Why was the man using ketchup during the rain?
Someone said it was raining cats and hot dogs.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
Four types of weather were having a race. Sunny won gold, cloudy got silver, snowy picked up a bronze, and rainy won a precipitation award.
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
Why shouldn't you smoke weed during a thunder storm?
Because lightning strikes the highest object.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
Did you hear about one flower who went on a date with another flower?
It’s a budding romance.
What does a flower say when they’re offering you a job?
Take it or leaf it.
Did you hear about the flower who was struck in a hit and run?
She was leafed for dead.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
What happens before it rains candy? It sprinkles.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
If you live in an igloo made of snow, what’s the worst thing about global warming?
No privacy!
Did Texas survive last week's winter storms?
Burrrrrrrrrrrrrrly.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
You have to act quickly during a flood because it's an emergent sea.
What did the tree do when it found that the bank had closed? It starts a new branch.
If there's a will, there's a wave.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
What flowering plant is an amazing equestrian? The horse chestnut.
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
When it was raining yesterday, I saw a man use ketchup and I got quite shocked. It is only later that I learnt he was taking advantage of the raining cats and hot dogs.
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
What do you call an English rock band playing in the mist? Foghat.