What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
Why is a river an amazing roommate?
He just likes to go with the flow.
Why did the forest ranger never put their tent between fires
because if they did the tents would be in a across fire
I got fired from the Calendar Factory yesterday
They say it's because I took a day off.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
What did the flower say when her son went off to college?
I be-leaf in you.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.
I'm trying to keep myself knowledgeable about current events.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
What is the difference between a chemist and a geologist? While a geologist will drink anything fermented, a chemist just
drinks anything that is distilled.
The shrubs were gearing up for a fight with the grass, but they never saw the blades come in.
Where do you go to weigh a pie? Somewhere over the rainbow.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
Wind turbines don’t talk about much. They just shoot the breeze.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
What does a flower say when they’re surprised?
What in carnation!
What do you call an indoor plant?
An intro-vert
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
When Smokey died in a forest fire, how did his body get to the cemetery ?
Pallbears.
I'm going to discuss global warming on Sunday at a debate. It's a very heated topic.
What is worse than when it is raining buckets?
Hailing taxis.
What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
Why did the fisherman suddenly redirect his boat?
Just for the halibut.
What did Betula pendula tell her little sister when she was annoyed? Leaf me alone, birch.
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
When we were young, we had this myth that lightning bolts go all the way to cloud 9.
Sorry for raining on your parade, I really thought it'd be snow problem.
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
What type of fruit includes Barium and double Sodium? BaNaNa.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What did the baby cloud say to its mum when it rained? Sorry, mum, I couldn't hold it any longer.
Why do toadstools grow so close to each other? They do not need mushroom to grow.
Did you hear about the red ship that collided with the blue ship?
All the sailors were marooned.
What is the color of the wind? Blew!
I heard that burglars used grass to pick a lock and gain entry to a local house, but the evidence may have been planted.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
How did the hipster drown?
He ice-skated before it was cool.
My wife asked me, “Did you fog up the bathroom mirror again?”
I said, “I don’t see myself doing that.”
I was hiking with my friend in the woods and bear attacked him
It was unbearable to watch
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.