I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
Ensure you save for the rainy day because even your closest friends can give you a cold shoulder.
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn’t have a leg to stand on.
Seas the day.
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
Why did the Platanus occidentalis have to go to the doctor more than the other trees? Because it was always sycamore.
What did the bottled water tell the spy?
The names bond, Hydrogen bond.
What did the tornado say to the sports car?
Let's go for a spin!
What do you call a gestalt consciousness of plants?
A chive mind.
Where do fish keep their money? In river banks.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
What do Ents wear to the beach?
Sandalwood.
What do they use to get a tan?
Palm oil.
A friend of mine asked me to go hunting up in a dangerous mountain range.
I didn't bother because i thought the steaks were too high
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
What’s a flower’s favorite band?
Guns n’ Roses.
What’s the scariest plant?
BamBoo.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
Thunderstorms are shrewd investors. They put their money in a combination of frozen and liquid assets.
The stormy weather affected my ability to remember my alphabets. I remember A, B, C, D, and F but I misty.Someone got hurt from a fistful of grass thrown at them with force. When they pressed charges, the cops charged the culprit with physical grass-ault.
I was just telling my friend Michael Rains about my unfortunate allergy to my home-grown barley.
My grains give me migraines, Mike Rains.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
What's faster - lightning, light, or diarrhea?
Diarrhea. Because I ran like lightning to the bathroom, turned on the light, but the diarrhea was already there.
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
Where do saplings graduate from? Elementree school.
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
Solving problems in the mountains is easy. It really Alps to clear your head.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
The river fish went to the library and asked if he can get a book. The librarian said: "You can start by-rowing it."
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
Sorry, I'm octopied.
I asked the land beside the ocean if he was certain he wasn't beach.
But he was pretty shore.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
What do you call a can of pop found in a conglomerate?
Coca-Cola Clastic.
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
While walking down the plains of the river, I lost my footing and got hit on my head. Now my head is swimming.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
How do you cut an ocean in half?
With a seasaw!
Want to hear a joke about weather?
Actually, never mind. I'll just save it for a rainy day.
What type of motorcycle do London Plane trees like to ride? Treeumph.
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.