What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
How could the skeleton tell that rain was coming?
He could feel it in his bones.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
What is the most favourite drink of a cow? Mountain Moo.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
When you mix a salt and water, you get a solution. When you mix a salt and battery, you get arrested.
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
How does one raindrop ask another out? Water you doing tonight?
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
What does the mushroom say to his lover? – “I have so mush-room in my heart for you, baby!”
What’s a good winter tip?
Never catch snowflakes on your tongue until all the birds have flown south for the winter.
How did the wife know her mountaineering husband was cheating on her? She caught Himalayan about it more than once.
You can't blame anyone if you fall in your driveway due to snowy weather...
Because that's your own asphalt.
This very fair weather actually makes me feel like a feather!
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
Whale, hello there.
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
Whenever I hear folksy stories about the hills, I can never get over them.
What did the storm drain say when it learnt it'd be getting a new cover?
That's just grate.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
Why are trees such great drivers? They always take the shortest root.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
Why do dwarves live in mountains?
They dig it.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
What do books wear on a wet and rainy day? Rain quotes.
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
Why was the boxer fired from his job?
He never punched out.
Checked into a hotel and was offered the black & white or the rainbow room. I chose the rainbow one as I like a room with a hue.
What did the bartender say when he saw oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium and phosphorous enter his barroom? OH SnaP!
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
My dad hates the ocean, but the other day he bought a boat.
He never could resist a good sail.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
My friend has just won the tallest Christmas tree competition
I thought to myself, 'How can you top that?
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Rock was magma before it was cool.
R.I.P boiled water. You will be mist
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
My friend, while driving through the mountains watching the leaves change: I love the winter. All the naked trees.
Me: Yeah, you can see all their knotty parts.