What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
What did the retired pirate say when he went to the beach?
Long time no sea.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
Why do earth science professors always talk about ammonia? Because it’s basic material.
What is a tree’s favorite geometry shape? The treeangle.
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
What does a queen want on her cookie?
Royal Icing.
What holds the sun up in the sky?
Sunbeams
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
It was hot today and when I went outside I saw there was a line of guys standing outside the hairdressers. I thought to myself, "Such a lovely day to have a barber queue".
I would love climbing to the peak of Mount Everest, but I do not see the point.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
Diving into shallow water could lead to jumping to wrong conclusions.
Never go on a date with a cactus
They'll spike your drink
Solving problems in the mountains is easy. It really Alps to clear your head.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
As the storm was brewing, the madman raised his hands and cried, "Hail Storms! Long may they rain!"
What is the best way for fungi to grow? You must give it as mushroom as possible!
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.
A man went to the gym today and met up with his new personal rainer.
It's ok to be negative if you find yourself in a thunderstorm.
You probably won't get struck by lightning.
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
What do you call it when you get a month’s worth of rain at once?
England.
All the grasses were bumping into each other because the grass-light wasn't working in the streets.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
What did the gold say to the pyrite? You’re a fool and a fake!
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
Scientists have genetically modified a Venus Fly Trap to have the skin of a cactus
They say its bark is worse than its bite.
What happens when and ice cube gets angry?
It boils with anger, then lets off some steam.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
I heard there are some fires near Greece
We’re gonna need a lot of baking soda.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
Is it hard to count conifers? It’s as simple as one, two, tree!
Where do saplings go to learn?
Elementree school
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
What did the fish say when it ran into the wall?
Dam.
How do geologists like to relax?
In rocking chairs, of course!