Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
My grandpa used to cut the grass before he died
but he has been lawn gone.
How do you get down from a tree? You can’t because down comes from ducks.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
Q: What is a wind turbine’s favorite musical group?
A: Air Supply
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
What is the most depressed river in Southern Europe? The Crimea River.
It was hot today and when I went outside I saw there was a line of guys standing outside the hairdressers. I thought to myself, "Such a lovely day to have a barber queue".
If H20 is water, then what is H204? It’s for drinking, washing and swimming, of course!
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
What happens when you blend sulfur, tungsten and silver together? SWAG.
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
Q: Why does it smell bad when you destroy fans?
A: Because you’re breaking wind.
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
I was at the beach and saw this guy in the water yelling, “Help, shark! Help!
I just laughed because I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night....
..... oof !!
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
Why is the ocean always on time?
She likes to stay current.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
How do you cut the sea in half? With a see saw!
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
Why are geologists great dates?
They can make your bedrock.
Why do trees always walk so slowly? All they can do is lumber around.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
What does rain wear to a fancy dinner party? A rainbow-tie.
H20 is water, but what is H204?
It’s for swimming and drinking, of course.
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
Why are oceans so meticulous?
They like to be pacific.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
When I arrived onset on a cloudy, dreary day, too many actors had been hired for the small part...
It was overcast.
Why did the cloud stay at home? It was feeling under the weather.
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
I was at a bar and heard a band playing a Queen cover. I asked them what the name of their band was. They are called the Champignons my friend.
What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.