The viking Rudolph the Red looked outside and proclaimed it was going to rain.
His wife asked him, “What makes you say that?”
He replied, “Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
So I cut down a tree using my vision today
It’s true, I SAW it with my own eyes.
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
Why did the mushroom need time off work? Because he was fried.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What type of mushrooms can you put on a jacket? Button mushrooms.
My Ex-wife called me to tell me my son was arrested for setting a house on fire. I corrected her saying...
Arson.
After being stuck in the ice storm all day long, the man said, "I am starving. Can I avalanche?"
What do poplars bring to war? They bring their infan-tree.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
There’s an old oak near my house that’s always surrounded by fog.
I don’t know why, it’s a mist tree.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
How does a penguin build a house?
Igloos it together.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
I see fewer and fewer rainbow tie-dye t-shirts these days. It's a dying art.
Who does their best work when they're under the weather?
Meteorologists.
What did one water bottle ask the other water bottle?
Water you doing today?
I over boiled some venison broth earlier.
It was deerly mist.
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
Q: Why was the cloud so dark and stormy?
A: It was feeling mis-thunder-stood.
Why was the food critic fired?
They didn't reference their sauces
Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.
What did one raindrop say to the other raindrop?
“My plop is bigger than your plop.”
How do you know you’re in love with a flower?
Not a daisy goes by where you don’t think of them.
It started raining coins outside today.
I guess it’s just climate change.
What did the tuna say to her overzealous partner?
I think we need to scale things back here.
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
But the beach ain't one
When it comes to getting things done, my work ethic is like lightning.
I take the path of least resistance.
You want to hear the best rock puns?
Give me a moment and I’ll dig something up.
What types of plants do you get after you plant kisses? Tulips.
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
I couldn't go out because of the blizzard. So I had to eat storm-ed buns for dinner.
If a tree had a mouth, wood it bark?
Why wouldn’t the squirrel collect the oak’s acorns today? She called in sick and then went to the beech.
Did you hear about those really bad storms that hit that boy scout camp over night?
They were in tents.
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog?
A mist conception.
Did you hear of the story of the tornado? There is a twist at the end.
I recently got offered a job studying fog but I turned it down.
Looking back, I now think it was a mist opportunity.
There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner.
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
What did the grouchy mushroom say to the loud mushroom? - Put a cap on it.
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
A team of mushrooms was playing basketball against a team of cabbages. The mushrooms won. Everyone cheered for the champignons.