How can colors be used to predict the weather?
By their huemidity.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
Why didn't the hipster swim in the river? It was too mainstream.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
How heavy is a rainbow? It's actually pretty light.
What sort of cakes do snowmen like?
The ones with thick icing!
Sorry, I'm octopied.
What do you call a snowman party?
A snowball.
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
Rain doesn’t fall. Raindrops.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
What does the fish say when she disagrees with her husband?
I don’t quite sea it that way.
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
What sort of ball doesn’t bounce?
A snowball!
They consider a million years ago to be Recent.
What did the water in the fire truck say when it came to a sudden stop?
I'm baffled.
When you get a rainbow after the rain at least you are moving in the bright direction.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was pollen your leg
I have a hiking playlist with songs from the Peanuts, the Cranberries, and Eminem. I call it my trail mix.
Why didn't the mexican archer fire his bow?
Because he didn't habanero.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
Why are coyotes howling in the night?
Because they can only see the cactuses in the day.
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
What do trees write on? Loose leaf paper.
Why do you never see owls being affectionate in the rain? It's too wet to woo.
Why are you bringing me to this mountain river after our couple therapy session?!
Our therapist said I need to valley date you.
There was news of a snowstorm. It arrived white on time.
It was pretty foggy outside today.
I shot an arrow in the air, and it stuck.
What do you call a Mongolian leader who got struck by lightning
Shocka Khan.
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
What did the bride say to her new husband at their wedding? - I love you so mush-groom!
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What is known as the world's wettest animal? Rain-deer.
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
The fungi turned down seconds at dinner because he never had mushroom.
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...
So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
What did the tornado say to the washing machine?
Want to go for a spin?
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
Why did the boy soon stop trying to grab the mountain fog? Because he always mist.
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
What does a mermaid wear to math class?
An algae-bra, naturally.