What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
I got lost in the mist today.
I didn’t have the foggiest idea where I was.
There was a rebellious lightning bolt who ended up in juvenile hall.
His parents grounded him so he struck them.
Did you hear about the Spanish ocean?
Si.
When something evolves, it becomes a fork of nature.
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
What do you call a funnel shaped storm made of ketchup?
A tormato.
What did the flower say when he wanted a second chance?
I’ll grow on you.
Why can’t a Christmas tree sew? It keeps dropping its needles.
What tree makes fruit that tastes a lot like chicken? Poultree.
What did the sink say to the water faucet?
You’re a real drip.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
Many people seem to believe that warm water droplets get cooled fast and form fog. It's a mist-conception. Someone should de-mist-ify it.
My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."
"Then you’ll have a match."
There's a basic difference between weather and climate: you can't weather a tree, but you can definitely climate.
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
Why did the River need Jesus? It was dammed.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
I thought I saw some fog yesterday.
But I guess my memory’s a little cloudy.
Why couldn’t anyone get a job at the ice rink?
There was a hiring freeze.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
There is a higher chance of being struck by lightning than to be killed in a shark attack.
Shocking isn't it.
The mountain got promoted because he was at the peak of his career!
What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?
A snowmobile.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
A mycologist is the most ethical type of scientist. They follow morels closely.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
A chemist plants a seed.
He takes good care of it every day. He waters it and fertilizes the soil around it. As it becomes a big and healthy tree, the chemist thinks to himself: What a good chemist-tree.
What do you call a chicken that was struck by lightning?
Air fried.
What do you call a dinosaur who sat on a cactus?
A megalo-sore-ass.
What do you call a month’s worth of rain?
England.
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
I hope it doesn’t rain Halloween night.
That would dampen spirits.
What did the diamond say to its friend copper? Nothing, silly, minerals don’t talc!
The lake did not like the river because it felt that the river was not very lake-able.
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
A parishioner at my church broke into the holy water tank and splashed some on his infant daughter, saying, "your are hereby baptized!"
That's just not rite.
What does a door to door flower salesman do?
Petal his wares.
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
What type of pants do rain clouds wear? Thunderwear.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
What does an alcoholic flower say when they reach out for help?
Lilac the ability to stop.
I mist say, this is a pretty bad joke, but it haze potential.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
The book on Mount Everest was super interesting because it had so many cliffhangers.
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Why Did the Whale Cross the Ocean?
To get to the other tide.