Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
How are bad school grades like a shipwreck in the Arctic Ocean? They're both below C level!
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
I enjoy throwing coins in the river and watching them. I like studying my cash flow.
What do you call a dinosaur that got stuck in the rain?
A driplodocus.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
I thought I was swimming in the river Thames, but apparently I made it all the way to France before I realized I'm in Seine.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
What language do things that fly in the sky speak....
Plane english
Why don't people ever talk about the fear of roses? Because it's a thorny issue!
The river fish went to the library and asked if he can get a book. The librarian said: "You can start by-rowing it."
My father cooked us mushrooms. Later he asked "Having fun guys"?
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
Why does lightning strike a tree before a person?
Because it takes the path of leaf resistance.
Q: What is the opposite of a cold front?
A: A warm back
What always goes up whenever the rain comes down? An umbrella.
Did you want to hear the joke about the mountain? Never mind, you would never get over it.
That crazy little sun of a beach.
I used to search for clams on the beach
But then I pulled a mussel.
How do you know if there’s a snowman in your bed?
You wake up wet!
Where do rocks like to sleep? In bedrocks!
My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
I wanna tell a joke about a girl who eats plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
Green vegetables absolutely love going on camps as a group. Their favorite is the Brussels Scouts.
I was gonna make a river joke, but I don't think it's current.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
What did the teacher say when he sent the naughty student out of the (mush)room? - You’re in big truffle young man!
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
How can you tell that it’s Ronald McDonald at a nude beach?
Because he has sesame seed buns.
Mushrooms always hate going to school. They feel inferior before the rest because they are always so spore-d.
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
Q: What do you call a gust of wind that blows a tall guys onto a basketball court?
A: The NBA draft
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What goes hiss, swish, hiss swish every time it rains? A windscreen viper.
What did the rainbow say to the other rainbow? Nothing, it was feeling blue.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.