There was a terrible fire at the shoe factory today...
Over a million soles were lost.
What looks like half a pine tree? The other half.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
Guess what I do when my ice house falls apart.
Igloo it back together!
The plant was tired of being boring.
It has decided to turn over a new leaf.
Who did Prince Mushroom fall in love with at the royal ball? - Chanterella!
Everyone said the wind was powerful. So, I went outside and was blown away.
If Smart water were actually smart…
Then why did it get bottled?
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
I hate windy weather. It really blows.
Q: Why couldn’t the boy keep his documents open when he left a window open in winter?
A: Because it was too Win+D
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
There are lots of funny jokes about mushrooms that can give you stitches. However, you need to be patient enough because they need time to grow on you.
Why did the tectonic plates break up?
It wasn’t her fault, but there was just too much friction between them.
The worst thing about living next door to a good gardener is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
I saw a cow on fire ther dayand so I put it out.
Guess you could call it a rare experience.
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
What did the sarcastic otter say?
I think you’ve confused me with someone who builds a dam.
I'd cut the grass but it's against the lawn.
Don't get tide down.
Why are cedars so hard to get along with? They suffer from bigo-tree and ex-tree-mism.
When do monkeys fall from the sky?
During ape-ril showers.
What do you call dangerous amounts of precipitation?
A rain of terror.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
When moving a piece of furniture at the weather station, you'll be needing four casters.
What did the boy volcano say to the girl volcano?
I really lava you!
What was one raindrop overheard saying to another? Two's company, three's a cloud.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
A red ship and a blue ship collided in the ocean.
Apparently the survivors are marooned.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Q: Where can a tornado be jailed?
A: In a high pressure cell.
How did the old man walk his way out of the storm so fast?
Because, he had a hurry cane.
The storm was sad so we called it the sigh-clone.
What happens if someone chucks a rock at you? You hit the rock’s bottom.
What's the weather like in Mexico?
Chili today, hot tamale.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
What do you call a negative fog?
A pessimist.
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
Did you hear about the metamorphosis professor who just gave up on life? He really needed a change.
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
What did the monochrome say to the rainbow?
Oh no! My arch nemesis!
A woman who gave birth in a tree was sent to jail
She was charged with treeson
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker