I stole fire from the gods.
But I couldn't fence it. It was too hot.
I don't like clouds. They're always throwing shade.
What is an evil dictator’s favorite type of weather?
A rain of terror.
Have you heard about the restaurant that caters exclusively to dolphins?
It only has one customer, but at least it serves a porpoise.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
Q: What’s the fastest way to make a skeleton?
A: Put a leper in a wind tunnel
Beach you to it.
My friend couldn’t pay his water bill anymore.
I sent him a Get Well Soon card.
The other day a tree asked for my help with kindling a grass route movement.
I said I wood because it's got a lot growing for it.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
What nature phenomenon is the funniest? A cyclown!
What does the birch like to study in school? Chemistree.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea weed.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
What did the snowman eat?
Icebergs with chilli sauce.
General: "Fire at will!"
Soldier: "Which one's Will?"
What did the flower say when he saw his date?
I think you’re dandy, and I’m not lion!
How was the misbehaving lightning bolt punished?
He was grounded.
What did one body of water say to the other?
"Do you sea what I sea?"
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice. Nothing he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
What type of tree can be put inside your hand? A palm tree.
Why was fog kicked off the football team? He mist a field goal.
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
Pink is the early bird of the rainbow colors, it's always the first to rose and shine.
Where do doubtful Egyptians get their water from?
Denial River.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Where do fish wash? In a river basin.
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
Why are Christmas trees so clean? They know how to spruce things up.
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Thanks for all the sediment.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
Did you hear the was a fire at a used furniture store and two people died next door?
It was due the second hand smoke
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
What did the little mountain say to the bigger mountain?
Hi, Cliff!
I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.
I guess I'm just a bad conductor.
I fernly beleaf my tree puns are qualitree, you can leaf me alone if you disagreen.
What is bigger than a Christmas tree?
A Christmas four
I don’t know if I got hit by freezing rain but it sure hurt like hail.
If I could change the periodic table, I would put Uranium and Iodine next to each other.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
Why did the dunce get hurt after raking leaves? He fell out of the tree.
Why aren’t trees competitive sports fans? They like to root for everyone.
Why should you never tell jokes about radon, cobalt and yttrium? They are just too CoRnY.
While rainbows must be many colors, they should always stay blue to themselves.