How do trees get onto the internet? They just log on.
Q: What did the cloud say to the lightning bolt?
A: You're shocking!
What does a dolphin say when he’s confused?
Can you please be more Pacific?
What did you call an awesome geologist? A rockstar!
What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line!
My wife drives like lightning.
I don't mean she drives fast - she hits trees.
My friends were talking about what different colours grass they preferred.
I told them they were being gracist.
Knock Knock?
Who's there?
Hurricane
Hurricane who?
Hurry! Cane you jog away from the storm?
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
How do you learn more about spiders that live in the rainforest? Check out their web site!
Over the years, my neighbour has buried his deceased pets in his backyard, and to his surprise, a plant has sprung up.
It's a Cemer Tree.
There's a criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow, who likes to trick people. He is called the lepre-con artist.
What is it called when a snowman has a temper tantrum?
A meltdown!
Did you know the Mississippi River is a girl?
If it was a guy it would be the misterssippi River.
What did the eskimo say when he chopped down a tree?
Tim-brrr
What do you call people who go to space? Icetronauts.
Why can’t minerals ever lie? They’re always in their pure form.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
What did the flower write in his mother’s day card?
I’m proud to be orchid.
How did the fire ant feel after the rain storm flooded his home?
Very put out, indeed!
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
One time, while visiting a river town, my brother was hungry and I fed him freshly made stream buns.
What do you call grass that waits until the last minute to grow?
A Prograsstinator
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
What do you say when you want a kiss from a flower?
Plant one on me.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
Have a gneiss day! This is one of the simplest rock puns, but it is certainly a gneiss way to start your day out right!
Why did the flower take her husband back after he cheated?
She rose above it.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.
They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
What happened to the wooden car with a wooden engine and wheels? It wooden go at all.
Why is it always quiet in the forest? Because all of the trees sleep like a dog.
Why did the lettuce and the mushroom break up? The lettuce was pretty but the mushroom did not have much room for her in his life.
eople say they never get hungry at the beach
That’s because there’s sand, which is everywhere.
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
What do you call an Eskimo cow?
An Eskimoo!
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
Why is the ocean always blue?
Because the shore never waves back.
The dock keeps floating above the river because of the pier- pressure.
Did you know humans can be struck by lightning?
I was shocked when I found out.
What drug is illegal in the ocean
Sea weed
The wind had such a great time. You could say it had a blast.
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.