Which weighs less; butane, gasoline or water?
Butane, because it's lighter fluid.
I was going to tell a joke about the natural disaster in the Indian Ocean
But it was too Tsunami.
What did the cactus wear with their suit?
A cactie.
Why did Iron Man sleep outside when it rained?
To get some rust.
Did you hear about the flower who gave an ultimatum to her husband?
She told him once and floral.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
Feeling fintastic.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
At the party, the vegetarian girl won’t eat the mushrooms, reason being, somebody told her that they were oyster mushrooms.
What do plants and homies have in common?
I love watching them grow.
What do you say when you want a flower to drive faster?
Floret.
What is a flower’s favorite Journey song?
Don’t stop be-leafing.
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
I was surprised when I saw a man get struck by lightning.
The man was shocked as well.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
Why are dogwood trees amazing pets? They have a great bark and a wooden bite.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
How do you describe an acorn in one sentence? In a nutshell, it is an oak tree.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
What is a flower’s favorite vegetable?
Cauliflower.
When does soil get rich?
When mother nature makes it rain.
Why are trees the best frenemies? They are great at throwing shade.
Did you hear about the loggers who stopped cutting down the forest? The trees really felt re-leafed.
Every time I passed a ring-shaped coral reef with a coral rim that encircles a lagoon, I had to pay a fee. It was atoll.
Have you heard about the banker who drowned in a river? It was a river of cash.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
Having a dirt yard instead of grass is a bold move...
But having a giant rock is boulder.
What is it called when a tree has back problems?
ScoliOAKsis
I was not allowed to do my stand up act at the mushroom comedy show. I guess I am not a fungi.
What do you call a wet teddy bear?
A drizzly bear.
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
Why did the fold get arrested?
Because it was caught rolling a joint.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
What did Abel yell to his brother when he noticed a storm coming?
Hurry, Cain!!
Last night the river was arrested. The river was accused of illegal streaming.
Did you hear about the cloud who became king? He rained for years.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
Why did the ocean break up with the pond?
She thought he was too shallow.
Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain.
One fish said, “Quick, let’s swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!”
A little boy asks his dad, “Why is it raining? Is the sky sad?”
The dad replies, “Yes, son, the sky is pretty blue.”
I need to apologize to my fellow Californians for all the recent forest fires.
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
During the flood, most of our garden was underwater. I felt especially bad for the grass - it must have been grass-ping for air.
I'm trying to break the ice, but you just keep giving me the cold shoulder.
The insane amount of rainfall in Poland did not lead the river to flood, all was in Oder.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.