I was fired from an insect repellent company for being dyslexic, so I smashed all their computers.
There’s no files on me.
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
I was going to try putting a mushroom into my cola. I wanted to be a my cola gist.
Why don’t you see an ocean in school?
They just can’t wade through all that homework.
I've always considered mountain plateaus to be the highest forms of flattery.
The other day I put out a big dangerous open fire!
The other people on the hot air balloon didn't appreciate me for some reason.
Many years ago, my grandfather used to cut the grass- but, he's been gone for a lawn time.
There is always a first time to everything. For instance, when you take a mushroom either for lunch or dinner, you will be amazed at how magical it is.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What did Snoop Dog need to get an umbrella?
Fo’ Drizzle.
How did the apple tree get the job? It had the right qua-leaf-ications!
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
The evil King of Weatherland only had one favorite weather - hail, storm.
What do you call a Grizzly at a nude beach?
Bear Naked.
What do you call a friendly volcano? Lava-ble.
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution
What does Santa often say to Mrs Claus? Come and look at the rain-dear.
Mushroom puns are the best for any occasion. They are very portabella.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
The man got shocked when he got down in the river because the river current was too strong.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
The winds of change started raining silver, copper, and gold coins.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
I told my mother moose were falling from the sky.
She said, "It's reindeer."
If you go to a beach and you can see through it, you could say the coast is clear.
What do you call dumb jokes at the beach?
Comic sands.
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
My sister said I would never be able to make a beach pun.
Is seashore about that?
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
What is batman’s favorite food (ans Just-ice)
Not much, just-ice.
How about the most dangerous mountain in the world? Kill-a-man-jaro.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
I lost my cat in a snowstorm!
But he should be fine because he's a cool cat.
Lost on a mountain, you can collect rainwater to drink during storms.
Otherwise, you just have to make dew.
What do you call it when a guy throws his laptop into the ocean?
Adele, Rollin’ in the Deep.
I couldn't figure out why that ball in the sky kept getting bigger...
Then it hit me.
The weatherman said it might get a bit drizzly outside.
You can expect a Lil’ Wayne.
I installed a sky light in my apartment.
The people upstairs were not happy at all.
I went fishing in the ocean the other day and caught one fish
but I think it was just a fluke.
What do you call a snowman in the summer?
A Puddle.
My glasses may be fogged up, but don’t worry I’ll be fine.
I’m optimistic!
Q: What's a tornado's favorite game?
A: Twister
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
What side of the tree contains the most leaves? The outside, of course.
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
What tree is bought the most at the plant store?
The poplar tree