Can you tell me what type of weeping tree this is? Yes, but you willow me one later.
What is the king’s favorite type of precipitation?
Hail, of course!
What did the tree say when it fell down?
"Call pine one one!"
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
Why are bad knitters and Christmas trees alike? They both drop their needles.
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water?
Because he was a little horse!
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
What is at the end of a rainbow?
The letter W.
Q: How is hurricane season like Christmas?
A: At some point, there’s going to be a tree inside your house.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
With the kind of weather, it was almost certain that the bride-to-be would get a hoarse throat as she walked through the rain into her bridal shower.
What's the fastest thing on the river bed?
A motor-pike and side-carp.
Why Did the Milkman Get Fired?
He was skimming off the top.
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
Today I helped father-in-law to fix his plants
it was very grounding.
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
Why is a field of grass always older than you?
Because it's pasture age
Son: “Hey Dad, can we go to the beach?”
Dad: “Shore?”
What did the Jedi tell the sacred tree? May the forest be with you.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
What did the sea say to the river? You can run but you can't tide.
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
What do you call a tooth in a glass full of water?
A one molar solution.
What does a flower write on their valentine?
Aloe you vera much.
Q: Why was the cloud so dark and stormy?
A: It was feeling mis-thunder-stood.
Does all this rain make you want an ark?
I Noah guy.
The Azteca Stadium in Mexico has been so neglectfully maintained that there are foot-long grasses on the pitch. Now we call it the Grass-teca Stadium.
What do you call a baby owl stuck in the rain?
A moist owlette.
There was once a mountain biker who murdered everyone in his path because he was a clinical cycle-path!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter
Butter who?
Butter get an umbrella, it looks like it's going to rain!
Why did the girl walk into the ice cream store with an umbrella?
She heard there were going to be sprinkles
What does a flower therapist ask her patients?
Are you feeling bouquet?
I dropped my steak into the fire.
Well done, me, well done.
What do you call a waffle laying on a beach?
Sandy eggo.
Are you squiding me right now?
What kind of fire moistens?
A humidifier.
What plant do both Spaniards and French agree is the best?
Seaweed.
What should you do if it starts raining cats and dogs?
Please seek shelters.
What do you give to a sick citrus tree to make it feel better? Lemon aid.
Feeling fintastic.
What is a cactus’ favorite MC Hammer song?
Can’t touch this.
Q: How do you stop newspapers from flying away on windy days?
A: Use a news anchor!
What happens when you go to the beach in hell?
You get a SaTan.
What do you call it when you plant a tree at each corner of a house?
A fourest.
My friend asked me how big the ocean is.
I said "can you be more Pacific?"
What did the lobsterman say when his crate turned up empty?
It a-piers we have a problem.
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
Q: What do you call a freezing bird?
A: Brrrrrrrrrdddd
Why did the ocean leave the party early?
She was getting really tide.