I was hiking in mountains the other day and a big cat started attacking me
Man, I puma pants
What’s the difference between a horse and wet weather?
One reigns up and the other rains down.
I was struggling to find out how lightning works. And then it struck me.
Where do American trees like to go for vacations in Canada? Montreeal.
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C!
What happened when the snowgirl had a fight with the snowboy?
She gave him the cold shoulder.
This rock was magma before it was cool.
Get it?
What did the nut tree say when his wife left him? I walnut stand for this!
What does a ghost wear when it’s raining outside?
Boooooooooooots.
Why are there fish at the bottom of the sea?
Because they dropped out of school.
When you look at the sky and see the moon
You're looking at a subtle light
Why did two fishes go to the riverbank? They wanted to withdraw their fins.
What’s every ice cream parlor owner’s side hustle?
Sundae school teacher.
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
What do you call a funnel shaped storm made of ketchup?
A tormato.
Why do poets always write about the sea?
They just can’t fathom her depths.
What do call a cactus which is shaped like a penis
Dildon’t.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
That crazy little sun of a beach.
Why do trees always hate taking tests? Because they keep getting stumped by the questions.
There's snow place like the mountains in winter.
What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Frosted Flakes.
Avoid pier pressure.
What time is it when little white flakes fall past the classroom window?
Snow and Tell.
What do trees drink at their parties? Root beer.
What book of the bible do you read on a beach?
The book of psalms trees.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
Where does the sun hide at night? Just keep looking for it, it'll dawn on you soon!
What did the ocean say when asked if he wanted to be friends with the beach?
“Shore!”
Why are seabirds so lucky in love?
Because one good tern always deserves another.
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
I imagined I saw a rainbow but it must have been a pigment of our imagination.
Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was InTents.
A bunch of chill-dren from the neighborhood played all afternoon in the snow.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
RIP boiled water.
You will be mist.
What do you call a can of soda in a conglomerate? Coca-Cola Clastic.
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
When Mr. Mushroom saw Miss Mushroom, he didn’t hesitate to ask her out on a date because he had she was such a fungi-rl.
What did the mushroom request when booking his hotel? A shroom with a view, please!
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
What do you call police obsessed with keeping good grass?
Lawn-Forcement
What did the flower do when she was challenged?
Rose to the occasion.
Whats a bad flower pick-up line?
Lets put our tulips together?
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
The fisherman lost his new fishing hook in the river. He refused to accept it. He was in the Nile.
Why do people like storm watching so much?
The lightning is quite striking!
Not many people liked the new tree I planted.
It wasn’t very poplar.