When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
What type of car did the mushroom drive by in? A spores car.
The wind is following a new workout program. It’s called air conditioning.
I'm reading a book called "The Yellow River"
It's written by I.P. Freely
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
What do flowers study in college?
STEM.
They had us working like dogs at work after a storm
All I did was pick up sticks and bark.
During the contribution’s session, the mushroom family never gave a lot. They were just two spore.
A tree's limbs fell off in a storm, now it's an amputree.
. How can you easily identify a dogwood tree? By listening to the bark.
Did you hear about the aspen who fell for the loggers’ scam? The copse wood not believe she fell for it.
I always invite the mushroom to my party because he is such a fun-guy.
We got the news of a coming flood today. The news was leaked.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
A man went to buy long underwear cause the weather was getting cold. The cashier asked " How long would you like them"
"From march to September", said the man.
What do you call a rock that never goes to school? A skipping stone!
What weighs more: a pound of logs or a pound of leaves? They weigh the same.
My cat just cut the grass.
She's a lawn meower.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
My wife said the stretch marks on her legs looked like lightning bolts...
So I said, that's because you have thunder thighs.
What do you call a funnel shaped storm made of ketchup?
A tormato.
I was hiking yesterday, when I suddenly ran in to a cougar....
Almost made me puma pants!
My fire tonight...
Was lit!
Because it was so foggy at my father’s funeral, he was buried in the wrong plot.
It was a grave mist-stake.
What did the beaver tell the tree? It has really been nice gnawing you.
How did the mushroom end up on a vacation abroad? It was just a spore of the moment decision!
Seas the day.
What's the difference between Amazon Prime and the Amazon River? The Amazon River actually has sails.
Why do sharks only swim in salt water?
Because pepper always makes them sneeze.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
What do you call a tree with no tinsel, baubles, or topping?
A tree.
What do snowmen do on Christmas?
Play with the snow angels.
Neighbor Dad 1: How often do you cut the grass? Your lawn looks so much better than mine!
Neighbor Dad 2: That's on a need to mow basis.
Next time you’re feeling down, just remember: your plants are rooting for you. Literally!
My neighbour always thinks he knows more about the weather than me
The guy is a real snow it all.
What did one blade of grass say to another about the lack of rain?
I guess we'll just have to make dew.
Q: What did Julius Caesar’s pet windmill say?
A: I came, I spun, I conquered.
What did one hat say to the other on the hiking trip?
I'll wait here, you go on ahead.
What element comes from Norse mythology? Thorium.
I was so disappointed when I went to the court house themed restaurant and all they gave me was frozen water.
Justice was served.
What is the same shape and size as a sequoia tree, but weighs nothing at all? The tree’s shadow.
Q: How do clouds keep in touch with each other?
A: Using sky-pe.
Where does a snowman keep his money?
In a snow bank.
I dropped my cactus the other day
Worst part is, I caught it
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
Humpty Dumpty had a terrible summer, but he sure had a great fall.
I used to make loads of money clearing leaves from lawns. I was raking it in.
What do you call a boy swimming at the beach?
Buoyancy.
Nowadays, people drought the accuracy of weather men because the climatic patterns are so unpredictable.