Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
What did the chicken do when his shop caught on fire?
He egg-xited..
You can tell an ant’s gender by putting it in the water.
If it sinks, it’s a girl. If it floats, it’s a buoyant.
I went to a restaurant and had a salad. Afterward, I got an intense pain in my stomach. I visited the doctor and he told me that I had grass-troentiritis.
Did you hear about the bank that wanted to put an ATM up a tree? If it works, they are going to expand the idea to other branches.
What kind of bean never grows in a garden? A jelly bean!
What did the trees wear when they went to a pool party? Swimming trunks.
My dad works in a steel plant.
He says it's very riveting.
Beach, please.
I guess you could say that things hit by tornado's are blown up.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?
A livestream.
What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
Why did the boy keep his trumpet in the freezer?
Because he liked cool music.
Why was the sedimentary rock so cheap? It was always on shale.
Green is the most relaxed color in the rainbow, it's so jade back.
Why did the frog lose his job on the mushroom farm? He stole the toads-tool.
What do you call it when it's raining and the sun is shining but a rainbow doesn't come out? A refrainbow.
What is it called when a tree stabs his friend in the back?
A be-tree-yal
When is a piece of wood made king? when its a ruler
Are you squiding me right now?
Why is the mushroom always invited to parties? Because he's a fun-gi.
My wife refused to go to a nude beach with me
I can't believe she is so clothes-minded.
What can you do if you are the ocean?
Watever you want.
Why do flowers always drive so fast?
They put the petal to the metal.
What do you call a gangsta snowman?
Froze-T.
What words do windmills live by? One good turn deserves another!
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
Q: How does a butcher keep his tent up in a strong winds?
A: With steaks!
Today isn’t the day to be making jokes about the weather.
It’s snow joke.
What did Sherlock Holmes say to Watson when he noticed sandstone deposits on the river bank? "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson."
Why do trees always get hired? They have the right qual-leaf-ications.
Why won’t the mushroom buy a couch? - He prefers toadstools.
What did the chemist cowboy tell his horse? HIO Ag!
How did the raindrop ask another raindrop on a date?
He asked her “Water you doing tonight?”
What did the lightning strike survivor say when interviewed?
"It was shockingly powerful. Like, it really Hertz"
Q: Why was the cloud not allowed to cross the border?
A: Because it was a for-rainer
What did the ocean say to the beach?
Nothing it just waved.
I'm trying to think of a weather pun, but my mind's kinda cloudy now.
What did the rock say to the word processor?
Boulder.
Why did the aspen date the poplar? She really found him to be in-tree-guing.
My dad refused to accept that he was not hiking in a mountain called Mt. McKinley
He was in Denali.
How does Santa look after the grass on his three gardens? Ho, ho ho.
What do you call a deer in a storm?
A raindeer
What is the the chemical formulation for candy molecules? Carbon, Holmium, Cobalt, Lanthanum, Tellerium—or ChoCoLaTe.
What do you call an 'O' on fire?
Flamingo.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
Life's a beach. Enjoy the waves.
Did you hear about the boat that crashed into the beach?
The captain fell asleep and the crew didn't realize until they were already in the no wake zone.