What did the snowman order at the fast food restaurant?
An ice burger extra cheese.
I needed to add some grass seeds to my lawn. The only thing I could find to keep the seeds out of my flower bed was some ceramic bunnies my wife had, so I used those as a barrier.
Please don't make fun of my re-seeding hare line.
What did the lightning say to the fireworks?
"Hey! You stole my thunder."
What does seaweed say when it's stuck at the bottom of the sea? "Kelp! Kelp!"
Why do cows lie on each other in the rain?
To keep each udder dry.
What do you call dangerous precipitation?
A rain of terror!
Crabgrass in my lawn is always fighting to prevent good grass seed from rooting...
Guess you could say I'm caught in the middle of a turf war
Where does a killer whale go for braces?
The orca-dontist.
I sang the rainbow song to a cop yesterday.
They arrested me for colorful language.
What do you call a weather man that destroys dinosaurs?
A meteorologist
Two fish are swimming in a river, when one of them hits a concrete wall. He turns to the other and says: "Dam"
Went camping last night. It was in-tents.
How many lips does a flower have?
Tulips.
What do you call an amazing day up a mountain? A peak experience.
What did the mushroom’s sing when they won the closed-cup? - We are the champignons!
What do you call two days of rain in a row in Seattle?
The weekend.
How do you make holy water?
Make sure to boil the hell out of it.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
The reason the mountains are hill areas joke gets reposted so often is because it's peak comedy
What's all wet and likes to shake? It's an earthquake on a rainy day.
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Pickle
Pickle who?
Pickle little flower and give it to your mother!
What do you get if you come fourth in the National Weatherman Awards? A precipitation trophy.
My glasses fogged up once I came out of the AC room last summer, but I was okay because I was opti-mistic.
What did the teaching tree do when it went overseas? It took a leaf of absence!
If there was to be a beauty contest bringing together all the beautiful mushrooms on the face of the earth, the porta-bella mushroom would carry the day.
What do you call a camper driving through frozen rain?
Van Hailin’.
What did the snowman order at Wendy’s?
A Frosty.
A cowboy and a Mexican were walking side-by-side by a beach in Mexico. The Cowboy asked to the Mexican if the Gulf of Mexico was an ocean.
"Sea, Señor," replied the Mexican.
Why did Frosty the snowman want a divorce?
Because he thought his wife was a flake.
What did the ghost knights say to the cloud king?
Our souls will rain forever.
What is the difference between a wet day and a lion with a toothache? A wet day is pouring with rain, the other is roaring with pain.
How does the weather tie its shoes? Witha rainbow!
Why can’t minerals ever lie?
They’re always in their pure form.
Be careful out there during the snowstorm. It ain't snow joke.
We all know that rooms are just empty spaces, and no one can even dream of making a delicacy out of them. The only room is the mushroom.
Why are we only concerned about snowmen not snowwomen?
Because only men are stupid enough to stand out in the snow without a coat.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach?
Because they might peel.
Where do the mushroom family keep their umbrellas, coats and shoes? In their porch-ini!
What did one cloud of fog say to the other?
I don’t know. It’s a mistery.
Whenever someone wishes me to say "Happy Winter," it always leaves me cold.
Who carries out operations in a river? A sturgeon.
Why did the lake date the river?
He heard that she had a bubbly personality.
Why don’t trees travel in groups? Because two’s a company, but tree’s a crowd.
What did the Ocean say to the shore?
Nothing. It just waved.
Q: Why did the wind turbine blush?
A. It broke wind.
When the storm begun, the garden party became a bit disorganized and food service was turned to a frost come frost served.
Why do skeletons hate how wind feels? Because it goes right through them!
Why do trees like to watch Star Trek? They really relate to the Captain’s log.
This rainbow is on its last legs, it's really hanging by a red.
Q: What do you call a row of 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.