My family wanted me to cut the grass, but I couldn't get myself mow-tivated.
What do you call a benzene ring where the iron atoms replacing all of the carbon atoms?
A ferrous wheel.
I saw a cow on fire ther dayand so I put it out.
Guess you could call it a rare experience.
Where did the Adansonia tree go to get a quick trim? To the baobarber.
My wife wanted to plant flowers
Problem is she hasn’t botany.
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn, it's impekkable.
Why do cows eat grass?
I mean, someone has to moo the lawn.
What's the wind's favourite colour?
Blew
Q; What’s the difference between origami and grandpa passing wind?
A: One is the art of the fold, the other, the fart of the old.
Why was the sedimentary rock extra cheap?
Because it was on shale.
A magician wearing a rainbow colored coat is called Hue-dini.
What do you call a baby tree struck by lightning?
A zapling.
Did you hear about the soldier who got struck by lightning?
He had to be honorably discharged.
How do Eskimos make their beds?
With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.
What does Santa Claus say when he flies through a rainbow? Hue hue hue, merry Christmas!
How did the shark plead in the murder case?
Not gill-ty.
What happens before it starts raining candy?
It sprinkles!
How do you split the ocean in half?
With a sea-saw.
Why couldn’t anyone get a job at the ice rink?
There was a hiring freeze.
Why are there so many ruts in the ice at the rink?
The maintenance crew must be slipping up.
Why didn’t the flower get a second date?
He was garden variety.
What did the teenage rock say after failing its drive test? I don’t want to talc about it.
How do you know flowers are capable of kissing?
They have tulips.
I was thinking about using a mushroom to poison someone. My morel stopped me.
Why is the world so diverse?
Because it contains alkynes of people.
What do you call ten Arctic hares hopping backwards through the snow together?
A receding hare line.
No matter how much she trimmed the particular strand of grass, the unruly grass kept on growing- what a grass-cal!
They figured it was the best way to break the ice.
What do you call an old snowman? A creek.
What kind of magazine does a rock like to read?
Rolling Stone.
Why did the chicken cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
I might have some trouble getting hard, I just got laid this morning!
Have you heard about the street performer who does his act in the middle of a storm?
It's mime blowing.
Had a great weekend. Won the annual weather forecaster's championships!
I beat the raining champion.
How do two rival forests get along? They sign a peace tree-ty!
Even during thunderstorms, Santa can still deliver presents because raindeers fly his sleigh.
What did the rock say after it rolled into a tree? Nothing because rocks can’t talk.
What did Sherlock Holmes say when he caught the Christmas tree bandit? It was elemen-tree, my dear Watt-son.
Why did the obtuse Triangle go to the beach?
Because it was more than 90°.
Q: What falls but never hits the ground?
A: The temperature
Q: Why did the tornado take a break?
A: Because it ran out of wind!
The clients who buy from our gardening store are grass-ured that the artificial lawn grass would not lose its color with use.
What did the rainwater say as it ran off the road.
Grate.
When can 3 elephants stand under 1 umbrella and not get wet?
When it’s not raining.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair who keeps getting struck by lightning?
A handicapacitor.
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"
The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."
What do we call a flock of sheep that tumbles down a mountain? They are called a lamb-slide.
Does a water bed become bouncier when you fill it up with spring water?
I like rivers very much. I was watching a live stream earlier.
There was once a jolly happy mountain that offered fantastic advice to a grumpy hill. "Change your altitude", he said!